I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
