What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
