I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
