she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
