okay pat passed out under dana's car
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
