We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
