There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
