Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
