why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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