uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
