he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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