Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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