You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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