I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
