everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
