I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
