I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
