Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
