I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
