dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
