you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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