Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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