Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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