sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
