as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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