Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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