Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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