Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
