its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
