I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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