you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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