if i died would you start the facebook group?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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