I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
