Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
