All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
