Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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