hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
