I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
