Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
