So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
