I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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