He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
