What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
