As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
