You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
