I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
