My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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