FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
