the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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