Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
