Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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