I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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