Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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