I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
