I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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