was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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