Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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