how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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