I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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