Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
