what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
